


Marlene's Choice

by storiofmylife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-05-15
Packaged: 2018-06-08 12:02:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6853816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiofmylife/pseuds/storiofmylife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during the Summer 1975 and beginning of September 1975 after Marlene's torture, she has resigned herself to never returning to Hogwarts again. However, two of her best friends make a surprise visit to see her. Will she change her mind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Marlene's Choice

Marlene hadn’t planned on spending the entire day outside. It wasn’t even all that nice out. In fact, it had taken her a few minutes to notice when it had started raining. This was how Marlene was nearly all summer. A shadow of herself—her body was there but her mind was elsewhere. The scars on her body wouldn’t disappear. It amazed her that even with magic a person could still be scarred. She understood how in the muggle world there was usually scarring since there was no magical healing spells. But when it came to being hurt and tortured with magic—her scars were there to stay. Marly was even certain that some of them still hurt. It had been over nine months—time that hadn’t felt that long—and yet she still felt like they were fresh. Marlene had taken the past two months of the summer to get used to them. The summer meant a family vacation; as per tradition, and that meant somewhere tropical where bathing suits were involved.

The first time she went out in a bikini, her family had to force themselves to stare anywhere but the puckered lines on her back and stomach. At least none of them were on her arms and legs. It was what she told herself at least to make herself feel better. It hadn’t been until the middle of their two week vacation that Marlene finally forgot about the scars. Once she did, then her family followed. One night she and Ollie managed to sneak in a bottle of wine into the hotel room. He told her about how much he wanted to apologize for not being there for her. The night ended in a full on hug fest between the siblings. They woke up together in Marlene’s bed and neither spoke of what they had talked about.

It had been the night she had told her older brother about how she didn’t want to go back to Hogwarts the next year. She’d been thinking about it since before their OWLs and being home only cemented how much she couldn’t face the castle walls or grounds anymore. She still could see the flashes of her own blood splattered in her mind. And those colors…the colors of the House she had always been prejudice against tainted her memories.

The rain pummeled in front of her as she sat on the back porch. How many times had she watched the rain this summer? Too many according to her brothers. Even her mother had let her do as she pleased that summer. Mrs. Mckinnon would check in on her multiple times a day and never nagged Marlene if she stayed in bed all day.

Being outside made her feel less crowded with all her siblings inside. They hovered in a way only family could even without being in the same room as her. Marlene hated feeling so helpless and dependent but couldn’t pull out of the funk she was in. The brunette tugged at the large throw around her shoulders. Her head leaned back against the chair when a pair of familiar voices appeared from inside. Feeling like she was hearing things, she shook it off and went back to staring at how puddles formed in the grass.

“Marlene?” Her attention turned to two of her closest friends; Mary and Lily. Marlene had been avoiding all the letters and calls from everyone from Hogwarts. Even her siblings’ friends got little interaction from her when they would visit. She avoided everything magical. Some nights she’d lay up and think on how cowardly it was but she couldn’t stop herself from pulling away. It would only make things easier when they went back to Hogwarts and she didn’t.

Yet, there they both were…

“Marls?” Lily’s voice this time broke through her mind and she wondered what they were thinking. Did she look different?

“What are you both doing here?” There was a slight bite to her question though it was more out of worry than anger.

“We were worried. You hadn’t returned any of our letters.” Marlene’s head bowed in shame. It was one thing to ignore them through letters but another to have them standing in front of her.

“I know.”

“Yo-what is going on, Marlene?” Mary’s voice held anger now and she had every right to be that way. Her arms crossed over her chest as she stared down at Marlene. Lily moved and sat down beside her on the other end of the loveseat. Lily shot their roommate a glare but her expression turned soft as she looked to Marly again.

“We were hoping to get together for some girl time before school starts again. Maybe some school clothes shopping.” She tried to get Marlene to meet her gaze. “I know how much you like to pick out dresses for me.”

“I’m not going back to school.” Marlene burst the truth out before she thought about it. She hadn’t wanted to give away just how she was feeling but there was no other way that they were going to let things drop.

“What?” Both girls spoke this time.

“I’m not going back to Hogwarts. I can’t go back. I’m not-.” She bit her tongue and stared at them both with intensity.

“Why not?” She couldn’t tell if Mary’s voice was quiet out of anger or sadness.

“Because.”

“We’re going to need a better explanation that that.”

This time it was Marlene who felt anger rise up inside her, but she fought it down. “No you don’t. It’s my decision and you don’t have any right to question it.”

“We’re your friends! Of course we have a right!” Lily was the one to speak now. “So tell us the truth! You owe us that much.”

“Owe you?” She shot up as her hands were clenched to her sides. “You want the truth? I can’t go to a place where I’m reminded every day of being tortured, attacked and left to die! I don’t want to remember my own blood–.”

“I thought you didn’t remember.” Lily’s voice was near whisper.

“I’m remembering flashes of it. Nothing actually makes much sense.”

“But…it’s Hogwarts. I don’t know of anywhere safer.”

“Lily. I was attacked on the grounds. It’s not exactly safe anymore.” Her voice cracked as she felt her throat muscles clenching together. “I remember the pain. I have the scars. I remember my own blood on the floor and the look of that Prefect who found me. I remember the looks everyone gave me after I left the Hospital Wing. I don’t want any of that again.” Tears had begun to fall down her cheeks and she flinched away from Lily’s hand that reached out to hers. “I want to forget it all. I don’t want to feel weak again. I can’t-.”

“Marls…” Mary trailed off as her friend slouched down into the couch again. She could feel her own emotions bursting upwards. Lily tugged Marlene against her and held her head against her shoulder as she cried. Marlene was always the strongest one; the one who wouldn’t let anyone see her cry. She’d much rather deflect with jokes and sarcasm than actually talk out feelings. That Marlene wasn’t around at the moment and, as always promised, Lily and Mary were there for her.

Mary moved around to the other side and leaned against Marlene, squishing her between them. They held each other until all their tears had stopped. “Marly, I know it’s difficult to see but not coming back won’t make things better. There’s danger everywhere. Especially lately.”

“She’s right. We’re both here for you. And so is Doe, Emmeline, James, Sirius, Remus and even Peter. We love you Marlene Mckinnon.” Lily forced Marlene to look at her. She looked quite angelic with her fiery red hair reflecting in the light.

“I don’t know if I can do it.”

“You have us to help you. At least…” Lily’s postured straightened. “At least come for a couple weeks. If after that time you still can’t handle it then you can leave. Don’t go out without a fight, Marls. We all know how strong you are, so let us prove it to you.” Marlene wasn’t sure if it was the empowering expression or tone that managed to make her smile but she tried not to question it at all.

“All right.” The smiles of her friends blocked away any of her worries of the plan. Later on she would deal with them. They each squeezed her tight and once more she made a joke about how they were the ones trying to kill her now. The humor was back and Marlene wasn’t all that surprised that it was her best friends who were the ones to bring it out of her.

Marly wasn’t sure that they would be able to help her heal. At least that’s what she thought in the beginning of the summer. Now she felt like going back to normal was something possible for her. Scars and all.

————————————————–

The first moment she walked onto the grounds of Hogwarts again, Marlene felt like she was going to puke. It was only Mary and Lily’s hands in her own that got her to keep moving forward. They all ignored the crude remarks of James and Sirius at the sight as well. Though they did both earn a glare from Lily. Even Ollie had stopped by her dorm after they settled in to check in with her. In his usual way, he sprawled out on her bed and took up unnecessary space. After reaching the limit of his welcome when he started making moves on Doe, Marlene threw as many shoes as she could at him until he left.

By the end of her first week Marlene was over everything. While she appreciated her roommates being around to make sure she was alright, people were beginning to notice. Rumors would surely be spread. It was when she overheard some fifth years talking about how frail she looked that Marlene had had enough. With a growl that made them look at her with concern, the brunette stormed into the dormitory and went right for her wardrobe. She hadn’t planned on attending the welcome back party being held in secret but now she was determined. Since arriving she had kept her makeup and wardrobe to a minimum. Until now.

As she strode through the entrance of the Gryffindor Common Room eyes stared at her in a multitude of expressions. Done up in a leather mini skirt she had gotten on vacation, Marlene Mckinnon looked fierce. There was no other word for her appearance. Her signature smirk and confidence exuded off of her and she could tell it surprised everyone. Her platform boots shone in the firelight as well as her glittering eye shadow. She’d layered on enough that she was sure it would be there for days.

It was then that Marlene realized what she needed to do in order to make it through her two more weeks of Hogwarts before she could leave. If she acted like she was stronger–better—than everyone else would believe it. They’d stop hovering or staring or giving her those pitied looks.

Marlene could pretend for another couple weeks. She’d have to find some stronger vices, but Marlene could feel determination flowing through her.

Little did she realize, that while pretending to be strong and a true survivor, it was actually going to help her heal from the inside out. By the end of her second week, Marlene had found her niche. It pushed her to return to the things she loved. Her friends, having calmed down their efforts, provided ample distractions without reminding her of why she needed one in the first place.

It was Sirius’ birthday party planning that really pushed her to accept that leaving may not be the best plan. Leaving meant she wouldn’t see those she cared about. And while she still felt jumpy and nervous when she was walking alone, Marlene felt stable. Stable was good; not as good as better, but she wasn’t pushing herself. Even her sessions with Pomfrey had helped her in their own way. Sure, she was depressed and near silent for hours afterwards but they helped further her healing. And that was all that Marlene Mckinnon could ask for.


End file.
